“I don’t” is a strong statement, more so than “I’d rather not” or “I’ll pass for now.” It’s a position, not a preference. It’s also a provocative title for an article about same-sex marriage, like The New York Times’ Sunday piece “Gay Couples, Choosing To Say I Don’t.”
The article features LGBT folks who are wary of diving head-first into marriage just because they can, and who want you to be wary, too. Fair enough. We should all test the waters before making the choice to dive into anything. But this is where the article–and others like it–has a blind spot. It suggests that most same-sex couples are rushing into marriage with their eyes shut, or blinded by novelty, and overlooks the fact that, to many of us, the choice of marriage is a highly informed one.
Here are three ways that I find nuptials to be a liberating queer choice–for straight and gay couples alike.
It’s A Choice
Traditionally, marriage may have been predicated on one man dragging a woman by the hair and throwing her at the feet of another man. But it has evolved far from these roots, from women being property to women proposing.