Gays Can’t Be Married Because a Square is Not a Circle
That little gem of wisdom comes to us from Denver Seminary philosophy professor, theologian and author Douglas Groothuis, responding to Jars of Clay singer Dan Haseltine questioning marriage equality opposition. Groothius said: “same-sex couples can no more be married than a square can be a circle. To pretend otherwise, is simply sin. To be an influential Christian and to claim otherwise is an especially heinous sin.” And bigots like Groothius are no more Christian than a triangle can be an oval. Hey, I think I’m getting the hang of this!
Marriage Should Only be for Promiscuous Straights
A new brief from one of the Virginia county clerks comes up with a whole new reason to block gays from marrying: The purpose of marriage is to “channel the presumptive procreative potential of man-woman relationships into enduring marital unions so that if any children are born, they are more likely to be raised in stable family units by both their biological mothers and fathers… providing stability to the types of relationships that result in unplanned pregnancies and that provide children with both their biological mother and father.” So when straight guys have sex outside of marriage (hey, isn’t that a sin?), marriage forces accountability? How romantic. And of course, you gays and lesbians can’t father (or mother) kids on each other accidentally, so… sorry?
I Want to Marry My Porn-Filled Apple Cmputer
Do you remember the wingnut who sued Apple last year because porn ruined his marriage? He’s back, seeking to intervene in a Florida marriage equality case. His “reasoning”? That if gay couples “have the right to marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object…. My porn filled Apple computer.” There are no words for this level of idiocy.
Satan, Get Thee Gay Self Outta the GOP
What is it with GOP officials from Michigan? Mary Helen Sears, Michigan’s 1st district vice-chair of the Schoolcraft County Republican Party, says “Our young Republicans want us to put away the old thinking of Marriage and Life. Adopt a more open attitude, accept who they are, stop the hate speech, blah, blah, blah… The joining of two men or two women is a perversion of this Covenant and a direct affront to God. Satan uses homosexuality to attack the living space of the Holy Spirit, which is the body of the person… Homosexuals make up less than one percent of the total population. They must prey on our children to increase their numbers. Why then, would we, as a party, entertain this perversion? We as a party should be purging this perversion and send them to a party with a much bigger tent.” Hey, I know a political party that’s waiting for marriage equality supporters with open arms. And hey, first it was 10%, then 3%, now we’re “less than 1%”? WTH?
Homosexuals Are Ten Times More Likely to Be Child Abusers
Another day, another nutcase anti-gay UKIP candidate. Today’s entry? Paul Forrest, who says gay men are “ten times more likely” to be child abusers than “normal men”. Because, of course, gays can’t be “normal.” Boy, the new marriage equality law has really brought the crazies out of the woodwork in the UK. Many studies have found gays no more likely to be abusers than the general population, but then, facts don’t matter much to these folks.
Gays Inspired by the Devil
As I was saying… A new flier in the UK goes after “homosexualism”, whatever the heck that is. “Homosexuality, as well as being a sin and a vice, is essentially a neurosis, a pathological condition; the result of several factors including childhood experiences. It is a dangerous temptation rather than a healthy orientation. Homosexualism has become a cult. It belongs to the culture of death, and is ultimately inspired by the arch rebel, the devil. It is a lie, not the truth.” Wow, so let me get this straight (pun intended) – being gay isa sin, a vice, a neurosis, a pathological condition, a temptation, a cult, a lie, AND the work of the devil? I haven’t seen something get a review that bad since “When Justin Met Kelly.”