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Create Your Own “Love Contract”

Saturday, February 25th, 2012

By Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway

Hopefully, every state will embrace marriage equality and every couple who wants to wed will soon have access to a legal document to mark the day they say “I do.” I like the idea of also creating a spiritual or personal love contract as part of your marriage ceremony. Your wedding day is a long-awaited, sacred occasion and a personalized love contract is a beautiful way to clarify what you both would like to promise, experience and create in your marriage. Here are some ideas:

1. Create a Mission Statement for Your Marriage. Brainstorm and bat around ideas until you come up with a marriage mission statement. This is your mutual intention for marriage; it is what you want to be and build together. It can be one sentence or reflect a number of ideas. For example:

Our union gives us strength, power, and fortitude to deal with all of life’s ups and downs, and it empowers us to contribute to others and to the world. We are best friends, confidantes, and partners, and we have many close relationships with people we consider extended family. We are a couple who inspire others with our live and who model what it is to be in a great relationship.

2. Craft a Wedding Scroll. Together, make a list of your intentions, aspirations, goals, hopes, and dreams for your wedded life. Write neatly or type it. It can be on pretty parchment-like paper, or any attractive paper. Consider having it written in calligraphy and framed, or simply roll it up and tie it with a gold ribbon. No one need see it but you two. Take it to your ceremony and keep it at the altar so it will be blessed by the expressions of love and commitment shared at your ceremony, and energized by the vows you exchange.

3. Write Love Letters to Each Other. Both of you can craft a beautiful letter to each other, stating what you love about each other and your promises for married life. You can place them in a sacred spot in your home, or even include a love letter exchange in the ceremony.

4. Make a Love Contact. Type up the wedding vows and declarations from your wedding ceremony and add as many more as you feel in your heart. On the bottom of the page write, “And this I promise to you.” Each of you can sign it. Then frame it and keep it next to your bed. Read over at them every day, with gratitude.

5. Select a Favorite Poem or Reading. You can also select something written by another to represent your thoughts, feelings and intentions for your relationship– a poem, wedding reading, prayer, song or passage from a favorite book. Even a unique sentiment on a greeting card may be lovely. Frame these favorite words and keep them near to inspire you every day.

Purple Unions guest blogger, Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway, is a leading NYC wedding officiant who creates unique interfaith, intercultural and non-denominational ceremonies for couples of all backgrounds. She is author of  Your Interfaith Wedding: A Guide to Blending Faiths, Cultures and Personal Values into One Beautiful Wedding and  Your Perfect Wedding Vows: Finding the Right Words to Express Your Love. Visit Rev. Laurie Sue at www.YourInterfaithWedding.com

Marriage Equality: The Reason to say “I DO”

Sunday, February 19th, 2012

“Marriage Equality Is the Future” from Chapter 5 of The Heart of the Wedding by Gerald Fierst

There is an Old Testament teaching about the name of God which is never spoken. In Hebrew, the name of God is spelled with four unaspirated consonants: No sound. Hebrew does not write vowels. So no one knows how the name of God would sound if spoken. Supposedly, the only time any one did speak the Ineffable Name was on the holiest day of the year when the high priest would enter the Holy of Holies in the center of the Temple of Solomon in Jerusalem, the center of the world. There, the priest would stand alone before God and utter His name. What were the sounds of this sacred utterance? If one were to take the letters that we have and try to speak them, all that comes forth is breath; just as it is said that God breathed into Adam to make life in the divine image. Perhaps there is nothing missing or lost from the biblical transcription. Perhaps breath, is the sound of God’s name and image? And life, therefore, is a constant prayer praising the name of the creator.

As a civil celebrant who has written and performed wedding ceremonies for couples of every kind and variation, I am always thrilled to share the moment when lives are transformed and two individuals become a committed couple. I cannot understand the reasoning of any religious person who would deny the fullness of life to another of God’s creatures. Love, children, growing old with a partner and a family, these are basic experiences for humanity and part of the divine right imparted with God’s breath. Just as I cannot support that there is only one way to marry, so I cannot support that the state of marriage is exclusive to some people and not to others. I am horrified by the debate pushed forward in the United States by the religious right that same sex couples should not be given the opportunity to have a marriage recognized by the state. Surely, a church has its right to define its own beliefs, but surely, in a civil society based upon the concept that all men are created equal, all citizens should have the right to celebrate the miracle of life and love by marrying someone with the intention of sharing the rest of their lives together. God did not give the word marriage to Moses on Mt. Sinai. The religious do not own the concept of marriage. Rather, our civil government gives religious groups the right to authorize unions that will then be recognized by the state.

Marriage in the United States is a local issue. Each state has its own set of laws although there is reciprocity between states. I can meet someone on Monday, go to Las Vegas on Tuesday, and marry my new love on Wednesday, without worrying that New York State may challenge my commitment to my partner -except if my partner is someone of the same gender. So it is, that I can marry someone I have known for only 72 hours, but I cannot marry someone with whom I have lived for a decade and with whom I intend to live for the rest of my life. Until such time as the Federal government is willing to trump the states and invoke the equal protection clause of the 14th Amendment, gay and lesbian couples are not protected by American law.

Since stable family relations are an asset to any society, shouldn’t we use the word marriage for all permanent unions, civil and religious, and encourage the emotional and financial stability which marriage supports? In a heterogeneous society, how can we justify distinctions and prohibitions based on orthodox Abrahamic religious traditions? The state does not sanctify marriage- the state encourages and records marriage so that property and civil and health rights can be protected. In a modern society, there is no ethical, practical, or emotional benefit to denying a basic human right to any group of citizens.

I believe the day will come when old bigotry will disappear and a new generation of Americans will join Canada, Mexico, and most of Europe in recognizing the right of all citizens to have legal protection in long term relationships. As more couples come forward to announce their commitment to each other, as our neighbors and co workers no longer feel compelled to remain discreetly silent, and as our leaders on all levels of community speak out, the truth of our human commonality will supplant the fear of our differences. As each of us gets to attend the wedding of a gay or lesbian friend or relative, the network of support and acceptance will broaden. It all begins with two souls willing to say “I do”.

BIO: Gerald Fierst is a civil celebrant who writes and officiates at weddings and life rituals. His book The Heart of the Wedding was released by Parkhurst Brothers in May, 2011. Read more about the book at www.theheartofthewedding.com and more about Fierst at www.geraldfierst.com.

The Heart of the Wedding illuminates the ritual of marriage through cross cultural history, folktale, true life stories, and ritual, all infused with practical advice and wisdom. In a world where couples – and the ceremonies they choose- come in many varieties, this book celebrates the new America, respecting tradition while finding a contemporary voice to say “I do.”

There’s No Reason to Oppose Marriage Equality

Friday, October 28th, 2011

No Good Reason to Oppose Gay MarriageThe issue of same-sex marriage has always — at least in this country and state — been a heated one. As an issue, it’s derailed interest from more pressing matters, polarized political discourse and spawned countless protests, demonstrations and debates.

Here in Maine, a law that would have legalized same-sex marriage was voted down by the public two years ago, and today there are canvassers collecting petition signatures to get it back on the ballot and letters to the editor insisting that all citizens keep it illegal on moral and religious grounds.

It’s quite a lot of buzz for something that, arguably, need not even be a political issue — at least if you’re one of those that believes that marriage should be a strictly religious concept.

Full Story from independentpub.com

Click here for gay wedding resources.

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Maryland Senator will Co-Sponsor Repeal of DOMA

Thursday, September 8th, 2011

Posted by Melanie Nathan,

Sen. Barbara Mikulski (D-Md, ) the senior U.S. senator from Maryland has agreed to co-sponsor The Respect for Marriage Act, S.598  which would repeal the Defense of Marriage Act after LGBT rights supporters sent a petition of nearly 3,000 names to her office urging her to support the bill.

The Respect for Marriage Act, is sponsored by Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.).

The status update for Senator Mikulski’s Facebook page reads: “Will co-sponsor bill 2 repeal #DOMA — All Americans entitled 2 equal protection under law & 2 be treated w/dignity & respect. #ItGetsBetter.”

In a statement provided to the Washington Blade via e-mail, Mikulski confirmed she’s a co-sponsor of the legislation.

“I am proud to co-sponsor legislation to repeal key provisions of the Defense of Marriage Act,” Mikulski said. “I believe all Americans are entitled to equal protection under the law and all of our citizens deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.”

She continued, “The Respect for Marriage Act, S.598, will allow couples who have a legal marriage in a state to have the same federal protections as every other married couple. This includes the right to receive spousal benefits under Social Security; to file joint federal tax returns and to take leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act when a spouse falls seriously ill.”   Read The Washington Blade Article .

Equality Maryland Supported by Key Officials

Wednesday, September 7th, 2011

A benefit by Equality Maryland will be attended today by Gov. Martin O’Malley, Lt. Gov. Anthony Brown, Attorney General Doug Gansler and Controller Peter Franchot.  Joining them will be Howard County Executive Ken Ulman.

Today’s reception hosted by Equality Maryland will recognize Gov. O’Malley and all of Maryland’s statewide elected officials for their support of marriage and full legal equality for all LGBT people.  The Maryland Governor is ‘going Cuomo,’ as he has announced he will be sponsoring legislation in next year’s session to legalize same-sex marriage in Maryland.

See Article.

CHEVY CHASE, Md. (AP) – Equality Maryland is holding a fundraiser to help boost the group’s bid to legalize same-sex marriage in the state.

Tickets to the event Wednesday evening in Chevy Chase are $50.

Gov. Martin O’Malley, who has announced he will be sponsoring legislation in next year’s session to legalize same-sex marriage in Maryland, is scheduled to attend.

Lt. Gov. Anthony Brown, Attorney General Doug Gansler and Comptroller Peter Franchot also are scheduled to attend, as well as Howard County Executive Ken Ulman.

Equality Maryland says it will be celebrating the support from statewide officials with champagne and wedding cake.

Why My View on Same Sex Marriage Changed

Friday, April 1st, 2011

Iowa Gay Marriage

I served 12 years in the Iowa Senate, and I, like all other legislators, took an oath to defend the our state’s constitution. During my tenure in the Senate, I voted for a constitutional amendment that would have defined marriage as between a man and a woman, and I was lead sponsor for a similar amendment.

I heard from my church and my fellow Republicans that homosexuality was wrong, and I thought I could lovingly disagree with them. I could “hate the sin, love the sinner” as people say when they do not believe gay and lesbian couples should be allowed to marry. But there came a point when I could no longer ignore how much this attitude hurt the people I know. Because this issue is not about rhetoric; this issue is about people and their freedom to choose a spouse.

Our constitution exists to protect the rights of individuals, and does so by limiting the government’s power to control the lives and properties of citizens. A constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, instead of limiting government control, would limit the ability of a select group of citizens to enter into civil marriage, therefore violating the very purpose of our constitution.

Full Story from Des Moines Register

Click here for gay marriage resources in Iowa.

To subscribe to this blog, use the rss feed on the right, or use the form at right to join our email list. You can also email us at info@purpleunions.com. Or find us on Facebook – just search for Gay Marriage Watch (you’ll see our b/w wedding pic overlooking the Ferry Building and Bay Bridge in SF). We’re also tweeting daily at http://www.twitter.com/gaymarriagewatc.

It’s Gonna Be a Bumpy 2011 for Marriage Equality

Saturday, January 1st, 2011

Sometimes you just want to crawl into bed and pull the sheets over your head.

Weeks like this one give me that feeling – that no matter how much progress we make, how many minds we change, there will always be selfish, small minded, misguided or angry people there to try to take it all away.

In November, voters, in their wisdom, decided to put Republicans in control of both houses of the state legislature. And not just in control – they executed a regime change breathtaking in its scope, flipping both houses and giving the GOP an almost 3/4 control of both house – more than enough to override any veto by the state’s Democratic Governor.

They did this because they were fed up with democrats, and their handling of the economy. But have you noticed that whenever voters get fed-up, the gay community is the collateral damage?

Newly empowered in 2011, the GOP has been quick to shed their “it’s not about social issues” stance that helped put them in power. Consider:

  • As mentioned above, the GOP plans to repeal New Hampshire’s marriage equality law as soon as possible
  • In Wyoming, the GOP is trying again to ba gay marriage in the state’s constitution
  • In Pennsylvania, the state GOP is also readying an anti-gay marriage proposition
  • The GOP in the US House is certain to try to kill marriage equality in DC, tho this may be more difficult
  • In New York, the GOP takeover of the Senate has likely killed marriage equality efforts there for the next two years.
  • In Iowa, the GOP won the House, and is increasing pressure on the democratically controlled Senate to help repeal marriage equality there, while simultaneously pushing to impeach the four remaining justices of the Supreme Court who legalized it in the first place.
  • In Rhode Island, where we might actually get marriage equality this year, NOM has threatened to spend “whatever it takes” to derail the possibility

Not to mention losses in California and Maine in the last two years, where marriage equality was briefly a reality.

Sometimes it seems that the hatred and money piled up against us is endless. It seems like every tome we win a victory, the bigots are relentless in their efforts to take it away. If they can’t do it this year, they will try again next year. And if not then, the year after that. We’ve won marriage equality in six places in the US (California, Maine, New Hampshire, Connecticut, DC, and Massachusetts) and by the end of this year, there’s a significant possibility that three of those will have been repealed, one way or another.

Things should get better over the long haul, as bigotry becomes less fashionable, But in the short-run, we’re in for a tough couple of years, at least.

So what do we do?

First, we get in bed, pull the covers up over our heads, and spend a day or a week watching re-runs of Queer as Folk and eating popcorn (believe me, we’ve tried it and it’s marvelously restorative).

Next, we get out of bed, shower and shave, and suit up again for the fight.

We work hard in the next two years to hold on to what we have, and to expand the field where we can – Illinois, Hawaii for civil unions, Rhode Island, Maryland for marriage.

We cry on each others’ shoulders when we have to, when things go wrong.

And when things go right, we mark those victories, loud and long. The victories are few and far between, and they must be celebrated.

We’ll get through this next year together

–Scott, Gay Marriage Watch

Just Where Does Marriage Equality Stand in The Courts?

Monday, December 27th, 2010

Gay MarriageToday we have a great guest column prepared exclusively for Gay Marriage Watch by John at LegalMatch.com:

The Situation in California

A couple years ago, same-sex marriage was legal in California. Then it wasn’t. Several months ago, it looked as if it was on the verge of becoming legal again. Then it didn’t.

Just what is going on?

It’s complicated, to say the least.

In this column, I’m going to attempt to break down the current legal and procedural posture of the Prop. 8 case – how it began, where it’s probably going, and the specific details of the legal issues that courts have to consider in these cases.

So, let’s start from the beginning. In 2000, California voters passed Proposition 22, which created a new California statute defining marriage as a union between a man and a woman.

In February of 2004, the city and county of San Francisco, at the direction of Mayor Gavin Newsom, began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. Just a month later, the California Supreme Court held that all of those marriage licenses were invalid, because the city had acted in direct conflict with the law. However, it made clear that the city was free to bring a challenge to the constitutionality of Proposition 22, and that the court would hear such a challenge. In response, the city and county of San Francisco, along with several same-sex couples who wished to marry, filed a lawsuit claiming that the marriage statute violated the Constitution of California.

The court consolidated them into a single case, entitled In Re Marriage Cases. At the trial level (where the case was first filed), the plaintiffs won, with the court ruling that the marriage restriction violated the state constitution. At the intermediate appellate court, the trial judge’s ruling was reversed. The plaintiffs then appealed to the state Supreme Court.

This is when the case started to make national news. After hearing arguments from both sides, the California Supreme Court held, in an opinion issued on May 15, 2008, that the marriage restriction put in place by Proposition 22 violated the state constitution. The court mainly relied on a 1948 case, in which it overturned the state’s ban on interracial marriage, holding that marriage is a “basic civil right,” and as such, cannot be denied to same-sex couples without an extremely compelling justification (and the court found none). It further held that sexual orientation is a suspect classification, like race or gender, which makes government discrimination based on sexual orientation nearly impossible to legally justify.

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom, and several other public officials, praised the court’s decision and vowed to enforce it. Meanwhile, a campaign to amend the state constitution to ban same-sex marriage had already gathered enough signatures to make it onto the ballot.

Same-sex couples began getting married shortly after the Supreme Court ruling. However, in November of 2008, Proposition 8, which amended the state constitution to restrict marriage to opposite-sex couples, passed with a narrow majority of votes.

Because this was a constitutional amendment, and not a simple statute, it would be nearly impossible for any California court to find the new restriction unconstitutional (it’s part of the constitution, after all).

However, that didn’t stop the opponents of Prop 8 from trying a long-shot legal strategy to overturn it in a California court: the California Constitution provides two ways to change it: an amendment, or a revision. An amendment is a simple addition or repeal of a few provisions. A revision, on the other hand, is a fundamental re-structuring of the state government (effectively throwing out the state constitution and writing a new one). While an amendment can either be passed by the state legislature, or enacted by voters, a revision MUST be written by the state legislature, approved by a 2/3 supermajority of both houses of the legislature, and then approved by a majority of voters.

The opponents of Prop 8 argued that, although it added just a single sentence to the state constitution, it was actually a revision, because it eliminated what the state Supreme Court had already deemed to be a fundamental constitutional right. If the Supreme Court agreed, that would presumably mean that the correct procedures were not followed in enacting Prop 8, thereby invalidating it. The Supreme Court did not take this position, however, and upheld Prop 8, but they did hold that the same-sex marriages performed before Prop 8 passed will remain valid.

So, that’s where same-sex marriage now stands under the law of California. But, of course, that isn’t the entire story.

The Federal Situation

While California law on same-sex marriage is now pretty much settled, proponents of marriage equality in California have moved on to the federal courts, challenging California’s (and, by extension, every other state’s) ban on same-sex marriage under the United States Constitution. This strategy is a huge gamble. It has the potential to pay off in the biggest way imaginable: the U.S. Supreme Court holds that marriage is a constitutional right, regardless of the gender of the partners, thus establishing marriage equality everywhere in the U.S., in one fell swoop. Of course, that’s the best-case scenario, and by no means guaranteed.

Of course, that could also give rise to a worst-case scenario: the Supreme Court finds a constitutional right to same-sex marriage, which reignites the push for an amendment to the U.S. Constitution which bans it. Such an amendment would likely take a generation to repeal.
However, an unlikely partnership of attorneys have decided to confront Proposition 8 in federal court head-on: Ted Olson and David Boies have taken the lead in the case. Olson and Boies represented George W. Bush and Al Gore, respectively, in the Supreme Court case of Bush v. Gore (the one that settled the 2000 presidential election, for better or worse). They are now working together in the federal case to overturn Prop 8. Interestingly, Olson continues to identify as a Republican, and has become one of the leading conservative voices in the marriage equality movement.

These lawyers filed a lawsuit in a federal trial court in San Francisco on behalf of a lesbian couple who were refused a California marriage license. The case was assigned (by a random drawing) to Vaughn Walker, the Chief Judge of the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California. Over the objections of both sides, Walker decided to conduct a full trial on the issue, rather than deciding it solely on the legal arguments presented by both sides. The trial allowed both sides to present evidence and witnesses, and laid the groundwork for a detailed factual record for appellate courts.

On June 16, 2010, a few months after the trial concluded, Judge Walker issued a ruling holding that Proposition 8 violates the Equal Protection and Due Process clauses of the U.S. Constitution, and issued an injunction against enforcing it. Governor Schwarzenegger and Attorney General (and now governor-elect) Jerry Brown, both of whom opposed Proposition 8 and refused to defend it in the federal lawsuit, immediately stated that they would comply with the ruling.

At this point, many people thought that same-sex marriage would once again be legal in California. However, as expected, the defendants (a conservative group that stepped in to defend Prop 8, since the state government didn’t defend it) immediately appealed to the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. However, the appeals court ordered a stay of Judge Walker’s injunction, preventing it from going to effect.

As disappointing as this was to supporters of same-sex marriage, it was not surprising. If the injunction had gone into effect, and the 9th Circuit then overturned Judge Walker’s ruling, thus banning same-sex marriage again, the resulting confusion would be a big problem. On December 6, the 9th Circuit heard oral arguments on the merits of the case, and its decision is expected in a few months.

Whatever the 9th Circuit decides, the losing side is guaranteed to appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court. What will happen there is anybody’s guess. With the Court’s current composition of 4 liberals, 4 conservatives, and one swing vote, I’d give 50/50 odds on the Court overturning Prop 8. Of course, it’s likely that it will take a few years for this case to even reach the Supreme Court. The Court’s composition could have changed by then. This could make or break a ruling in favor of marriage equality, depending on which justice leaves a vacancy, and who is president at the time.

If the Supreme Court does find a constitutional right to same-sex marriage, it’s impossible to say how the public will react. Some states may refuse to perform same-sex marriages, which could lead to a showdown with the federal government similar to what we saw in the effort to desegregate schools. That seems unlikely, but it’s possible.

John is a writer for LegalMatch.com, and the LegalMatch Law Blog. He can be reached at legalmatch.blogging@gmail.com

This article is intended for informational purposes only, and should not be read as legal advice to address any specific legal problem you might have, as the facts of each case are unique. No attorney-client relationship is created by reading this article or commenting on it. In resolving your legal issue, you should seek the advice of an attorney licensed to practice law in your jurisdiction.

Gay Marriage Events Today/Tomorrow: Beverly Hills

Sunday, December 19th, 2010

Gay Marriage Events December 19th, 2010Here’s our list of events today and tomorrow around the world relating to marriage equality, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, and other LGBT equality issues. If you know of any other events – rallies, meetings, phonebanking, etc – please use the link below to add your event to our list!

–USA, CA, Los Angeles: 12/23, Voter Canvass Training, The Village, 6:30-9:30 PM.

Full Events List/Add Your Own Event: http://www.purpleunions.com/mn/gay-marriage-events-list.html

Gay Marriage Events Today/Tomorrow: Palm Springs, Boston

Friday, December 17th, 2010

Gay Marriage Events December 17th, 2010Here’s our list of events today and tomorrow around the world relating to marriage equality, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, and other LGBT equality issues. If you know of any other events – rallies, meetings, phonebanking, etc – please use the link below to add your event to our list!

–USA, CA, Palm Springs: 12/18, Equality Happy Hour, Hamburger Mary’s, 4-7 PM.
–USA, MA, Boston: 12/18, Phone Bank for Marriage Equality in RI, Mass Equality Offices, 12-5 PM.

Full Events List/Add Your Own Event: http://www.purpleunions.com/mn/gay-marriage-events-list.html